Thank you for your story, from anti-marriage to marriage. In my case, I met my wife Susan in college and for the first time I felt a strong connection to someone.
But my parents having divorced when I was very young, I was afraid of marriage. So we sort of agreed not to marry, at least putting off the idea while I went far away to graduate school for a year. But that was too much for us and we married the next year—beginning a 58 year journey together.
It’s been a wonderful life together and I sometimes think how my life would have turned out had I not stepped into the same elevator where Susan was standing one long time ago in September … unaware of course that my world was about to change.
58 years! That's beautiful. I don't truly believe in fate. Then again, I'd like to think you would have meant Susan soon after in some other way had you not stepped into that elevator.
This is a joy to read. I enjoyed every word of it - especially the part where you had to swear that you did not murder Daniel’s non-existent ex-wife. (I would love to know the origin of that requirement; there is, no doubt, a good story behind that.)
I was so moved by the image of you lying next to Daniel, febrile and with stomach cramps, deciding that you wanted to marry him. Facing mortality so often makes believers of us.
Thank you for sharing this with us, dear Claire. I wish you and Daniel many, many more years of love and adventure.
In celebration of your years together, here is a little poem by the late W.S. Merwin:
ANNIVERSARY ON THE ISLAND
The long waves glide in through the afternoon
while we watch from the island
from the cool shadow under the trees where the long ridge
Thank you for reading and for yours and W.S. Merwin's lovely words.
There must be more to it, but in the Palazzo Vecchio I was told that it in the past, when divorce wasn't an option, it was so common in Italy that aspiring spouses murdered actual spouses that they included this "I did not kill and was never investigated" oath in the engagement ceremony.
Loved this! I grew up Mormon, so marriage was expected, and I felt like an old maid already at 23, when Tony and I tied the knot. 11 years later, we left the Mormon Church and moved to Amsterdam for a crazy year of open marriage. We celebrated our 12.5th anniversary in Iceland, and renewed our vows, this time in words of our own choosing. It felt like really choosing each other this time, and not just the idea of marriage we’d been taught growing up.
We’ve been married for twenty years now, and just bought a house in Italy where we’ll be moving next year (I guess one advantage of early marriage and parenthood is being empty nesters in your mid-forties).
Thank you! I hope you will write your love story as an essay, too, if you haven't done so already. I love stories in which people dare to re-evaluate old beliefs and make meaningful decisions.
I will be following your move to Italy! And if you're still (or again) in Umbria in the second half of November, maybe we can meet. After Bracciano, I'm heading to Spello!
For some reason, the structure of Daniel's face reminds me of that actor Stanley Tucci. LOL I like him as an actor, so he can take that as a compliment. LOL Italy sounds AMAZEBALLS and if I ever get the opportunity, I will definitely steal your itinerary. I've wanted to go ever since I saw "Mamma Mia" (felt that way about Greece, too, after seeing "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and "The Bourne Identity"). Side Note: HOLY CRAP THE LEMONS THERE LOOK LIKE MELONS!! Do they eat them like melons there or is it just a cooking thing?
In regard to the (anti)marriage thing.... Mr. Ex and I dated for 6 years before getting married and it felt a little like societal pressure when we did it. My parents kept asking when we were getting married, which, in turn, I guess, made me wonder as well. Before that, though, I don't ever remember us talking about marriage. I told him I didn't wants kids, because THAT was hella important. But I don't remember talking about marriage. We were married for 12 yrs (no kids) and I've been divorced for 6 yrs now. I don't plan to date or marry EVER. AGAIN.
After years of reflection, I realized we never should've gotten married in the first place. I think there was a reason we waited so long and for me, it was probably because I was having doubts. I loved him, but I wasn't IN LOVE with him (there's a difference). I didn't see him as my soulmate. I didn't see him as the love of my life, and I didn't see him as my best friend; just a friend. And I think my love for him was a friend-love, not wife/husband love.
I’m sorry your marriage didn’t work out. Marriage isn’t the best choice for everyone. And even good marriages can end in amiciable divorce. It sounds like you have a lot more self-knowledge now.
As for the other subjects:
Lemons are for cooking, making lemonade, and limoncello liquor.
Mama Mia was filmed on Skopelos, a Greek island (and worth a visit!)
Two of my siblings have the same anniversary and my father passed away on that day, so it really stood out for me. It continues to be a mystery to me how two people can meet and be meant for each other. Thank you for sharing.
Happy anniversary! And congratulations! A beautiful story, one I can closely relate to. I was anti-marriage when I met my husband (at least anti-marriage to him, afraid that it would seem I wanted an American green card through marrying him). However, I'm glad I changed my mind, although I'm sure we would still be together 32 years later. I don't know if being married changed our relationship, but it definitely made it easier to raise a family. Over the years, our connection kept growing, keeping us together, in a happy relationship. Wishing you guys many more happy, connected, years together!
Thank you, Emese-Réka! And 32 years for the two of you: wonderful! Marriage made things easier for us, too, with Daniel as an American in Europe, but I'm glad it wasn't the reason for our decision.
This is a beautiful read. Thank you from taking a break from your regularly scheduled programming to share your story with us.
When my husband of 32 years and I were first exploring dating, he called me up and asked to go out on a particular Friday night. Sure. That was becoming the norm anyway, I thought. But then he added one more request before hanging up the phone. "But this time, dress crazy, ok?" I spent the next week stressed out that my idea of crazy was too much. I LIKE crazy. What if I take it way too far and end up humiliated? Should I tone myself down in hopes of pleasing him? No. I was me, like it or not. I dressed CRAZY by MY standards.
When he showed up at my door, we were dressed nearly identically. My roommate snapped a photo.
Years later, when we were cleaning out and curating all of our boxes of memories so we could hit the road as nomads, I found that photo, smudged and bent. Two crazy kids, both wondering if this might be the one. I showed my husband. He smiled and said that was the night he knew he loved me. I had felt exactly the same.
Just this year, before we hit the road in our truck, owning nothing but what we can carry, I had that photo turned into a funky throw pillow to travel the world with us. Our married life has not always been easy, and we have teetered on the brink a few times, but now we are stronger than ever. And I love that goofy little pillow. 💜
I guess he wanted to see if I was willing to be weird. He took me miniature golfing that night, but with one rule: you couldn't use the putter the way it was intended. Anything else was fair game. We had a blast. And the rest is history. <3
Oh Claire, what a beautiful ode to love! And Happy Anniversary! I loved this -- not sappy at all, simply a gorgeous tale of romancing and deciding to marry. Bliss!!
Thank you for your story, from anti-marriage to marriage. In my case, I met my wife Susan in college and for the first time I felt a strong connection to someone.
But my parents having divorced when I was very young, I was afraid of marriage. So we sort of agreed not to marry, at least putting off the idea while I went far away to graduate school for a year. But that was too much for us and we married the next year—beginning a 58 year journey together.
It’s been a wonderful life together and I sometimes think how my life would have turned out had I not stepped into the same elevator where Susan was standing one long time ago in September … unaware of course that my world was about to change.
Yes it does feel like fate. Especially since we later discovered our mothers played together as children in a tiny Texas town.
58 years! That's beautiful. I don't truly believe in fate. Then again, I'd like to think you would have meant Susan soon after in some other way had you not stepped into that elevator.
This is a joy to read. I enjoyed every word of it - especially the part where you had to swear that you did not murder Daniel’s non-existent ex-wife. (I would love to know the origin of that requirement; there is, no doubt, a good story behind that.)
I was so moved by the image of you lying next to Daniel, febrile and with stomach cramps, deciding that you wanted to marry him. Facing mortality so often makes believers of us.
Thank you for sharing this with us, dear Claire. I wish you and Daniel many, many more years of love and adventure.
In celebration of your years together, here is a little poem by the late W.S. Merwin:
ANNIVERSARY ON THE ISLAND
The long waves glide in through the afternoon
while we watch from the island
from the cool shadow under the trees where the long ridge
a fold in the skirt of the mountain
runs down to the end of the headland
day after day we wake to the island
the light rises through the drops on the leaves
and we remember like birds where we are
night after night we touch the dark island
that once we set out for
and lie still at last with the island in our arms
hearing the leaves and the breathing shore
there are no years any more
only the one mountain
and on all sides the sea that brought us
Thank you for reading and for yours and W.S. Merwin's lovely words.
There must be more to it, but in the Palazzo Vecchio I was told that it in the past, when divorce wasn't an option, it was so common in Italy that aspiring spouses murdered actual spouses that they included this "I did not kill and was never investigated" oath in the engagement ceremony.
Incredible. As if one who resorted to murdering the previous spouse would admit to it.
That's such a good story!!
Thank you, Lizzie!
Loved this! I grew up Mormon, so marriage was expected, and I felt like an old maid already at 23, when Tony and I tied the knot. 11 years later, we left the Mormon Church and moved to Amsterdam for a crazy year of open marriage. We celebrated our 12.5th anniversary in Iceland, and renewed our vows, this time in words of our own choosing. It felt like really choosing each other this time, and not just the idea of marriage we’d been taught growing up.
We’ve been married for twenty years now, and just bought a house in Italy where we’ll be moving next year (I guess one advantage of early marriage and parenthood is being empty nesters in your mid-forties).
Thank you! I hope you will write your love story as an essay, too, if you haven't done so already. I love stories in which people dare to re-evaluate old beliefs and make meaningful decisions.
I will be following your move to Italy! And if you're still (or again) in Umbria in the second half of November, maybe we can meet. After Bracciano, I'm heading to Spello!
For some reason, the structure of Daniel's face reminds me of that actor Stanley Tucci. LOL I like him as an actor, so he can take that as a compliment. LOL Italy sounds AMAZEBALLS and if I ever get the opportunity, I will definitely steal your itinerary. I've wanted to go ever since I saw "Mamma Mia" (felt that way about Greece, too, after seeing "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and "The Bourne Identity"). Side Note: HOLY CRAP THE LEMONS THERE LOOK LIKE MELONS!! Do they eat them like melons there or is it just a cooking thing?
In regard to the (anti)marriage thing.... Mr. Ex and I dated for 6 years before getting married and it felt a little like societal pressure when we did it. My parents kept asking when we were getting married, which, in turn, I guess, made me wonder as well. Before that, though, I don't ever remember us talking about marriage. I told him I didn't wants kids, because THAT was hella important. But I don't remember talking about marriage. We were married for 12 yrs (no kids) and I've been divorced for 6 yrs now. I don't plan to date or marry EVER. AGAIN.
After years of reflection, I realized we never should've gotten married in the first place. I think there was a reason we waited so long and for me, it was probably because I was having doubts. I loved him, but I wasn't IN LOVE with him (there's a difference). I didn't see him as my soulmate. I didn't see him as the love of my life, and I didn't see him as my best friend; just a friend. And I think my love for him was a friend-love, not wife/husband love.
I’m sorry your marriage didn’t work out. Marriage isn’t the best choice for everyone. And even good marriages can end in amiciable divorce. It sounds like you have a lot more self-knowledge now.
As for the other subjects:
Lemons are for cooking, making lemonade, and limoncello liquor.
Mama Mia was filmed on Skopelos, a Greek island (and worth a visit!)
Daniel loves the compliment—Thanks!
I misreferenced the movie!! I meant to say "Under the Tuscan Sun". Gah! I should know better. LOL
Two of my siblings have the same anniversary and my father passed away on that day, so it really stood out for me. It continues to be a mystery to me how two people can meet and be meant for each other. Thank you for sharing.
We are friends with a couple who have their anniversary on the same day, and two years ago, my niece decided to get born that day.
It's indeed a mystery how bonds get forged; every relationship is unique.
Very moving and interesting! Happy anniversary!
Thanks so much!
Your pre-proposal was the dearest detail. A lovely piece. Thanks for writing and sharing. xo
Thank you, Judith!
Happy anniversary! And congratulations! A beautiful story, one I can closely relate to. I was anti-marriage when I met my husband (at least anti-marriage to him, afraid that it would seem I wanted an American green card through marrying him). However, I'm glad I changed my mind, although I'm sure we would still be together 32 years later. I don't know if being married changed our relationship, but it definitely made it easier to raise a family. Over the years, our connection kept growing, keeping us together, in a happy relationship. Wishing you guys many more happy, connected, years together!
Thank you, Emese-Réka! And 32 years for the two of you: wonderful! Marriage made things easier for us, too, with Daniel as an American in Europe, but I'm glad it wasn't the reason for our decision.
Great story. Thanks
This is a beautiful read. Thank you from taking a break from your regularly scheduled programming to share your story with us.
When my husband of 32 years and I were first exploring dating, he called me up and asked to go out on a particular Friday night. Sure. That was becoming the norm anyway, I thought. But then he added one more request before hanging up the phone. "But this time, dress crazy, ok?" I spent the next week stressed out that my idea of crazy was too much. I LIKE crazy. What if I take it way too far and end up humiliated? Should I tone myself down in hopes of pleasing him? No. I was me, like it or not. I dressed CRAZY by MY standards.
When he showed up at my door, we were dressed nearly identically. My roommate snapped a photo.
Years later, when we were cleaning out and curating all of our boxes of memories so we could hit the road as nomads, I found that photo, smudged and bent. Two crazy kids, both wondering if this might be the one. I showed my husband. He smiled and said that was the night he knew he loved me. I had felt exactly the same.
Just this year, before we hit the road in our truck, owning nothing but what we can carry, I had that photo turned into a funky throw pillow to travel the world with us. Our married life has not always been easy, and we have teetered on the brink a few times, but now we are stronger than ever. And I love that goofy little pillow. 💜
What a wonderful story, Sherry! Thanks for sharing.
Why did your now husband ask you to dress crazy? Just to test whether you would do it? Or was there a special occasion?
I guess he wanted to see if I was willing to be weird. He took me miniature golfing that night, but with one rule: you couldn't use the putter the way it was intended. Anything else was fair game. We had a blast. And the rest is history. <3
Oh Claire, what a beautiful ode to love! And Happy Anniversary! I loved this -- not sappy at all, simply a gorgeous tale of romancing and deciding to marry. Bliss!!
Thank you, Jeanine! It was such a pleasure to write.
It was lovely. And btw I’ve been to Favignana. Kind off the beaten path. Cool island. Nice photo!