Dutch frankness can be too harsh when it's unsolicited. But American politeness can slide into fakeness when after being asked to truly, honestly give one's opinion, one still holds back.
I love my Dutch friends, too. They tell it like it is--straight shot to the heart. No b.s. If you want an accurate account of what's happening, ask them!
You offer so much here, Claire. Thank you. I am so on board with unabashed frankness because my bullshit meter is pretty well tuned, but in my experience most people like the cozy niceties. I think Americans spend too much time trying to avoid awkwardness. Speaking of which, I now want a collection of framed belly buttons.
Thank you, Jen. Americans in general have a hard time with all kinds of awkwardness, including grief and talking about aging and money. It gets many in a lot of trouble. And yes to belly button pictures! (These were from an art project in a Parisian museum but I cannot recall the artist)
Having traveled with you, I am VERY confident you are a great houseguest. We once had visitors who are very good friends and good people, BUT after three days of doing all of the dishes for four people, I had to say, "Hey, some help with all of this would be VERY NICE!"
Thankfully, I didn't have to ask again and the visit went well.
I'm glad you asked and they changed their behavior; it would have been a shame for a friendship to suffer from inconsiderateness and unexpressed irritations.
Wow, you covered everything, Claire. So much here. We've been hosts, Paul and me, so many times we've quit counting. Usually when we lived in SanFran it was for dinners or brunch, so 3 hours usually max, with the exception when family came from afar. In a foreign clime, so so many guests and from a week to two weeks for some. You do learn to roll with it. If the house is large enough and there's stuff to do outdoors, it makes it all easier. I even got good at cooking 3 meal types (gag me!) - carnivore, vegetarian and vegan - for a single dinner. I don't do that any more, b/c - why? I'll do a general vegetarian and people can pick and choose. But we got pretty good at it, and when family lives far apart, it really is a reconnection.
I love how you phrase it: "You do learn to roll with it." Indeed! The space of the house and a pleasant outdoors definitely aids the hosting. I'm looking forward to more hosting in my future; at the moment I am more often a guest due to having no house :-)
I think I prefer Dutch frankness to American politeness, but it has yet to be put to any real test. Plus, my (four) Dutch friends are amazing!
Dutch frankness can be too harsh when it's unsolicited. But American politeness can slide into fakeness when after being asked to truly, honestly give one's opinion, one still holds back.
That is exactly it. We are all our own Yungian shadow.
I love my Dutch friends, too. They tell it like it is--straight shot to the heart. No b.s. If you want an accurate account of what's happening, ask them!
A timely read as my daughter and I will be travelling to Norway next week to be house guests. So thank you for your take on being a guest :)
Wishing you a wonderful time in Norway! So much light there at this time of the year!
Thank you. We are really looking forward to being there :)
You offer so much here, Claire. Thank you. I am so on board with unabashed frankness because my bullshit meter is pretty well tuned, but in my experience most people like the cozy niceties. I think Americans spend too much time trying to avoid awkwardness. Speaking of which, I now want a collection of framed belly buttons.
Thank you, Jen. Americans in general have a hard time with all kinds of awkwardness, including grief and talking about aging and money. It gets many in a lot of trouble. And yes to belly button pictures! (These were from an art project in a Parisian museum but I cannot recall the artist)
Having traveled with you, I am VERY confident you are a great houseguest. We once had visitors who are very good friends and good people, BUT after three days of doing all of the dishes for four people, I had to say, "Hey, some help with all of this would be VERY NICE!"
Thankfully, I didn't have to ask again and the visit went well.
I'm glad you asked and they changed their behavior; it would have been a shame for a friendship to suffer from inconsiderateness and unexpressed irritations.
I should’ve asked before I got as frustrated as I did. I think I was simply amazed I was having to ask at all.
Wow, you covered everything, Claire. So much here. We've been hosts, Paul and me, so many times we've quit counting. Usually when we lived in SanFran it was for dinners or brunch, so 3 hours usually max, with the exception when family came from afar. In a foreign clime, so so many guests and from a week to two weeks for some. You do learn to roll with it. If the house is large enough and there's stuff to do outdoors, it makes it all easier. I even got good at cooking 3 meal types (gag me!) - carnivore, vegetarian and vegan - for a single dinner. I don't do that any more, b/c - why? I'll do a general vegetarian and people can pick and choose. But we got pretty good at it, and when family lives far apart, it really is a reconnection.
I love how you phrase it: "You do learn to roll with it." Indeed! The space of the house and a pleasant outdoors definitely aids the hosting. I'm looking forward to more hosting in my future; at the moment I am more often a guest due to having no house :-)